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I recently moved back to my hometown of Vale, to live with my father who is 79. It's a small, high-desert town in Eastern Oregon, whose residents are sturdy, hard-working people with strong ties to family and deep roots in the land. Quiet and peaceful, it's a place where a man can take the time to know his own mind and bond with his dog.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Martha's Social Tips for Rednecks...

  1. A centerpeice should never be prepared by a taxidermist.
  2. Do not allow the dogs to eat at the table...no matter how good their manners are. Really.
  3. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
  4. Grooms should rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cumberbund and a clean bowling shirt could be interpreted by some as tacky.
  5. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, use your OWN truck keys.
  6. Proper use of toiletries is essential if weekly bathing is not possible. (However, deodorant is a waste of money after 3 days.)
  7. Never take a beer to a job interview. Leave it in the truck.
  8. Only vacuum the bed once. After that, change the sheets.
  9. Even if you're certain you're in the will, it's considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
  10. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
  11. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, do not ask her to bring back a beer.
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